mountains

 It happens every time, it has happened so many times before and it has happened again. When my life is great, amazing, perfect even my mom gets mad at me or does something to bring me back to the bottom of the fucking mountain. I am so tired of being on the bottom of the mountain watching all my friends happily climb and not fall. I understand why the things I do upset my mother but I am a teenager we are bound to do some dumb things, and she doesn't get that, for her I am supposed to live like I am 40 years old in the military and following her commands. I am so tired of getting punished for doing things everyone else is doing, it's like when parents say that they are your parent, not your friend's parents, yeah it is clearly fucking obvious because everyone else can enjoy their life and do things a teenager would do and I have to sit there on the bottom of the mountain and watch. I don't think ill ever reach the top of the mountain when I have someone who pulls me down, don't get me wrong I love my mom to death and I am glad she is with me but its hard, so fucking hard when it's just the two of us. It is like having someone watching your every move right behind you. nothing'll ever do will be enough and I am tired. I could try my hardest and that doesn't matter because someone else Is doing better, it got to a point where I wondered if there is even a point to trying, and that's what fucked me badly. Not seeing the point made my grades fall. My mom basically put me on house arrest for the rest of my life, with access to a phone that barely functioned and I saw no one, so you see that was my hitting the ground after falling, it's been over a month maybe two since that happen and I was very depressed for a while. but, lately, things started to turn up I was finally taking the steps on that mountain, and of course, because my life was good for longer than a few seconds my mom had to bring it back down. I wish I had a bigger family, someone who understood me because my mom could never, I could give her the most valid point and she would ignore it. I feel like when I open up to her she doesn't care, because I am wrong at the end of the day. If I had someone that understood life would be better maybe I would even be able to climb the mountain a little but unfortunately I have to stay anchored to the ground and never dream of climbing. The mountain is meant to be climbed that's how you get to where you need to be in the future, i go on an endless cycle. It honestly reminds me of the stock market and certain stocks, like when a stock reaches the highest point it has ever reached and then it immediately falls to the lowest, I know nothing about the stock market but I know that's just how it works, so I guess ill be here at the bottom until for that brief period where I'm slowly climbing until I come right back to where I am right now.